I will not hit on girls via Facebook.

Say it with me, boys:
I will not hit on girls via Facebook.
I will not hit on girls via Facebook.
I will not hit on girls via Facebook.

Somehow, somewhere along the line, using Facebook to shop for a date became socially acceptable. Well, not really. But I've had (multiple) run-ins with guys who think otherwise. Social media is a great networking tool, yes (see also: Stalking for Dummies.) And yes, it's okay to talk to people on Facebook that you are acquainted with in reality (see also: that glow outside your front door - the one that isn't your computer screen.) But in NO WAY - for emphasis - NO WAY (in my opinion, anyway) is it okay to solicit girls for dates (or sex) via social media. You wouldn't ask a girl out via text message (I hope.) So why would it be okay to ask her out on Facebook Chat? At least make a show of asking for her number.

This has actually happened to me several times. Sometimes with guys I've never even met. What is it about me? Is it the baby in my lap in my profile picture? Maybe the "single mom" vibe makes guys think I'm an easy target (she's not even mine.) Worse, I've actually fallen for this lunacy.

But... NO MORE. I made this decision long ago. But I did recently have someone reinforce it. And this is how that went.

I've been taking more evening classes this semester, which has been quite the hindrance on my social life. One of the classes involves grading each others' resumes.

So one of my classmates - obviously using my resume to find me on Facebook in the first place - adds me. Being the naive type that I am (see also: effing stupid), I add him back - obviously I am just way too nice, because my first thought is that maybe he has an actual question about the class (if grading each others' resumes is a requirement, it should be a given that the class isn't really much of a challenge. My bad.)

So he starts instant messaging me, lucking into the rare occasion once every lunar eclipse that my Facebook chat is actually on. We make casual conversation. Fine. I have godawful insomnia and nothing better to do - he may be mildly entertaining at best, but at least he's helping me pass the time before I start obsessively clicking refresh on my Twitter feed again.

Within twenty-some minutes, he has dissolved to lewd comments and penis jokes. Okay, let's be honest here - that's actually pretty much up my alley - but bear in mind I don't actually know this dude. Yes, I have a class with him. That's it. We are not friends. We aren't even acquaintances - we have been sitting in the same room for 8 weeks with literally zero interaction up to this point. So if I've been making small talk with this guy for less than half an hour and he's already coming onto me in the grossest way possible (with the exception of, possibly, if this had happened in-person) then I am definitely already turned off.

Like an armadillo in the headlights, I stared frozen at the screen - trying to decide whether it would hurt more to throw myself onto the hood of the car or directly under the tires. Ultimately, it wound up being an awkward good-bye and speedy sign-off.

The downside is, I still have 7 weeks of class with this weirdo.

God help me.



xoxo