Five Things NOT to Do... when trying to get a date.
Given the vast amount of experiences (read: failures) I've had in the dating arena, I've decided that it may be time to draft an itemized list of five things you shouldn't do when trying to get a date.
1. Use social media to ask out dudes/chicks.
Listen, I know you have 5,243 Facebook friends, and like one third of them have professionally-shot photos of women in bikinis with an extra long acrylic nail pointed in their mouths. And I know that out of that third, like half of those actually have information furnished in their profiles, and that some of them will even talk to you (for $20/minute.) I get why these things would make you think it's okay to stalk and ask girls out, especially girls in your Thursday night class whom you are old enough to have fathered and in eight weeks have literally never interacted with you a single time. I mean, social media is already consuming our lives - Facebooking for dates SHOULD be the next logical step.
Except... it's totally not. So don't do it. Don't even ask girls out on Facebook that you HAVE met. Seriously.
2. Hook up with your friends' exes and then hope it blossoms into a meaningful relationship.
I've seen women do this a few times and I don't get it. For one, banging your friend's ex is kind of tacky anyway - although I have seen a few Dude Social Circles basically pass girls around, so maybe I'm just old-fashioned. Secondly, why would you ruin perfectly good sex by trying to turn it into a relationship?
3. Reveal fetishes.
I once had a guy reveal a foot fetish to me before he even asked me out on a date. Dude. Don't tell me that. In fact, don't tell anybody that. Except maybe the people on your foot fetishist message board. Maybe they'll care. Or not. I don't know.
4. Get hammered and then drunk dial him/her.
While there is almost nothing more flattering than a ten minute, slurred, 3 am voice mail of background noise and your slurred speech, it doesn't exactly convey the kind of message that says, "Hey, let's go see Inception and then awkwardly make out on your couch." Actually, it doesn't convey much of any message, because I can't understand what the hell you're trying to say over the bouncer yelling at you in the parking lot of Groovy's with that cougar's bracelets rattling as she tries to drag you to her car.
5. Be too mean/too nice.
Let's be honest here. If you're too nice, it probably means that you aren't willing to just grow a pair and actually ask the other person out. I hear people - guys especially - whine about how they're suuuch nice guys, and chicks just don't seeee that, and let's watch Liiifetime together, and whaaatever. You can say what you mean and not be considered a douche. I'm not familiar with with the concept personally, but I'm told it's called tact.
And as far as acting like a douche goes... where the hell did THAT idea come from, anyway?! Is it some kind of MTV or Jersey Shore thing that my old ass forgot to keep up with - act like a dudebro, get the girl? I used to only see these idiots at Baker's St, but it seems like they're EVERYWHERE now. Does this really still work on girls over the age of 21? I mean, if she's under 21 you can act like as much of a bastard as you want, they aren't really people yet at that point anyway - but do these guys seriously have successful sexual encounters with people of the opposite sex?
Well, I guess they do, at the rate some of these chicks are poppin' babies out. But I guess that's a story for another time.
xoxo
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